Sunday, August 16, 2009

ChI Town

July came and went quickly August is going fast. Though there have been periods that I have been able to concentrate on climbing, most of my time has been spent doing the work that I do, but July was also filled with some fun events marking passages. The first was my 10 year high school reunion (go to yours it's worth seeing old friends) I had a great time and catching up with some good friends was nice. I also made a trip to Chicago for a family wedding, marking another passage of sorts. Although it was a brief trip I was happy to have spent a day marveling over the downtown Chicago skyline and walking in the shadows of the soaring buildings. We walked through the Chicago Art Institute, I was strangely happy to be there, away from work and stress, ( even climbing) there was something enduring in the air that day, something that I love about climbing as well, but feel has been missing lately. Maybe it was the viewing of a tangible freedom of expression, and feeling that liberation myself within the art, in a world that I feel somewhat isolated at times. Perhaps it was the air of mystique that comes with history and great art, whatever, or wherever it may be, but I felt alive and aware amongst the soothing gallery lights in an unfamiliar city. We walked through the impressionists gallery, clicking away with my camera at works that caught my eye, it is amazing to see these works, Monet, Van gogh, Picasso, in person and the texture of the brush strokes to canvas, the enduring canvas and seeing the turmoil in their lives or the joys alike through expression. I see how art and life and to me, climbing, are all connected. I don't know much about art, or even most of the artist (outside of the obvious), but I find it refreshing that I can still marvel and identify, feel moved by the emotions and for lack of better words, impressions that my "escape" to the city had left upon me.

The Irony of the situation was this boundless feeling that the wandering hoards and mass movement of people was somehow an escape for me, but it was important and necessary for me to feel anonymous, art gazing with all the others. Lately, I have been somewhat driven by the desire to take a step back and take inventory of the things around me. I often hang good fortunes that I free from the depths of fortune cookies, in the frames of the photos in my house. I have one nestled amongst the dusty picture frame that holds it now. It says, always remember the most important things in life are not things.

Walking the city streets of Chicago, my anonymity filling my heart with possibilities of the future, I find it refreshing to see that life is full of options, passions, and that sometimes escape doesn't mean escaping, it just means tuning in and remembering that the world is full of things, and sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sunny Southern Utah

I doesn't get better than this. To describe the view in front of me, sunny walls of broken limestone, a gentle wind and perfect temperatures. I'm in sunny southern Utah, resting today after many weeks of hard work, and a great day with my friends in Joes Valley. This patio is so perfect and at peace with the desert surrounding it- open. Today is the first day in a long time that I took the time to sit still and reflect, to free my mind of the day to day. I'm lucky that I have great people to work with, and my family, and my friends. Today quite simply is everything that has accumulated to this, and it can be gone with a breath. Really I feel libre, free, at peace. Joes was a great stop, my first of many more to come. I have been enjoying the simplicity of bouldering, and I have many things to improve upon. I realize that strength is more than just power, it's core, it's a combination of everything. I have a hard time sitting still, it's not how I'm wired and my attention shifts between so many things. The past few sessions have been experiences in understanding how to calm down and relax, today is a lesson in the same.

I sat in the sun, talked a bit amongst friends, we all did what we needed, took our time. Keith, Lauren and I went to Saint George to La carnaciera, tres amigos marketa, bought some produce and enjoyed the authenticity of a Mexican market. This past year has also been a lesson in Spanish, and for the past month has fallen by the waste side. However I practice when I can and I enjoy understanding the culture a bit more. It seems to me that many of my days have been filled with urgency and stress to finish this or that, and life becomes hurried the hours pass then the days, the weeks and now the years. I see this pace of American life, and today I enjoyed the simplicity and warmth of the Hispanic culture here. I know that I'm lucky, and I work that much harder when I'm home. For now we have fresh food to cook tonight. Reflecting on our day at Joe's was fun, my fingertips feel the same. One note worthy send was Laurens of resident evil... awesome she is the most tenacious climber I have ever seen. I learn a lot from her every time I climb, and I see where I can improve, most of all it is an attitude that comes with a love of life. We hit the road late last night and headed to Hurricane, I enjoyed catching up with Keith, it's been along time, a true friend I enjoy laughing at the most random and hilarious finds that he has of movies and TV shows, comedy and audio books. Keith is the most technologically advanced person I know and also the most unfortunate. While I have been on my first I pod going on 5 years... well each occupation comes with it's own stresses. So as the shadows grow in the distance, the desert is still, today was perfect, I'm looking forward to enjoying a great dinner together, restful sleep and climbing tomorrow.

Unwinding is a necessary part of life, and retouching why I climb boils down to the people I climb with, we share a common passion and essence for life, it is simply as simple as you make it. I'm heading to the Black and Tan tomorrow, and looking forward to bouldering on a rope! Cheers and take life slow, I'm still learning to be still.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

reflections in the water

Sometimes, it takes some time to catch up and let the memories flood my mind; reflections in the vast pond of experiences, metaphorically speaking, I threw a stone and watched the ripples break until once again there was stillness. I've been home for a while and what remains is the memories and a perspective that comes full circle. This for me, is a time of growth; I look out of a port hole of opportunity as we fly together as a family now, heading to a place that has always held special meaning to me; Virgina beach. The moon is nearly full as we break the horizon, and I'm equally distant. City lights far below illuminate, I wonder why any of the experiences I have had these past few months would be any more important to those that are far below this tin can, I try and feel each moment as I fade into stream of consciousness. I'm happy that I'm going to see my family, I'm also a bit sad for some reason. Perhaps it's because I know that this pursuit of mine is so personal, and in that it can sometimes seem so selfish; I'm looking forward to sharing and I'm struggling to find the means of doing so. While I think about the significance of these travels in my life I often feel negligent to the people that surround me and support me, so I'll try and explain in the way I have always found expression; through written words. These are my reflections.

We wake up: the morning air is still cool and damp, the clouds are swirling once again but the sun is making it's way through the thick canopy of fog. We gear up and walk to the edge of the Verdon gorge a buzz of excitement surrounds my friends and I. It's a quiet walk through the wet trees but we will finally be climbing, each of us connect to that feeling and because we have all done this so many times each of us prepare in our own way. I have a twinge of nervousness, I feel a bit scared today and I know that it's natural. Fear keeps you alive, safe and it also provides what I feel is the most important result to why we climb, harnessing that resonating energy of our souls and making it work for you and not against you. We walk the delicate line, hopping between the fluted limestone columns that top the gorge; a breeze is swirling from the bottom 1000 feet below just like the nervousness bubbling in my stomach. We make our way to the anchors and begin our decent. My attention has shifted and no longer am I concentrating on the nervousness, but now I'm engaged in the experience, my confidence gives me strength as time narrows to the moment. We hit the anchors after rapping in, a quick game of ro-Sham-bo ensues, my rock has crushed Laurens scissors, and Laurens scissors have cut Whits paper; I'll climb first.

The route is steep, and my intimidation of crashing on the belay before the first bolt creates a bit of apprehension in my movement. Safely I climb, and safety comes. I love this feeling I think as I blow the chalk from my hands and quickly shake my arms to keep them fresh. What ensues is a battle, that gives way to the reasoning behind this situation. I climb because it's fun, I also climb because this is the element that creates my being. As my pace quickens so does my heart, and with that my breath, I can feel the nervousness disappear as I take control over my body and my mind, I inhale and connect with the wind. This fight continues but so does my determination to continue as I find myself. Like a basketball player that sees the rim ever expanding or a golfer that finds the field of vision narrow as they play on and engage, I search for that zone in climbing, but it is something that really finds you when all thoughts of fear and doubt disappear into rhythmic movement and a connection with the path of holds in front of you. Fifteen minutes latter it's all over and I belly flop onto the flat summit of the gorge and pull my fiery feet from my shoes. I stretch my toes and air them out over the void below me, I'm intensely connected and I breath, my eyes shutter and draw down and soft, a smile cracks and I'm alive and drunk with unexplainable happiness that comes with the safety of being on the rim again; my narrow vision that kept me pasted to the wall opens it's self to a flood of emotions as the adrenaline and endorphins begin to subside, I look around at the position that I'm in, perched a thousand feet above the valley floor, a clear blue river flows and creates an ambient sound that calms me down. I'm think deeply about my life and this world around me.

It might sound cleshay, but climbing connects me to everything around me, and if there is anything that provides me a greater perspective about what is important to me it comes with the aftershocks after a great climbing experience the epicenter of my heart.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

more climbing

Beyond the storm clouds we have finally found some ray's of sunshine in the Gorge. Simply amazing, this place is overwhelmingly huge on a scale that is unmatched to any limestone I have ever seen. We all needed some rays of sunshine, returning to Marsellie yesterday to pick up a car I raced back through the French countryside, a familiar road now, back to our temporary yet perfectly comfortable stay at L' Gite de Escalar. We were able to get in a number of good pitches and each rap into the gorge is a small adventure. It's unlike any crag I have ever climbed, the approaches are simple until you reach the rim of the great chasm. It's a dissorienting feeling and one that arouses equall emotion. The climbing is difficult  "old school" and full value, I'm humbled yet perfectly content. The weather is still unstable and it has been wearing on all of us, but that's just part of the experiance. Tomorrow brings good weather again and were heading back to some incredible looking lines we saw today. France is awsome, ancient castles great people. The mornings are as simple as the life here in La Palud. 

The start

Travel… we’ll where to start with this. Leaving Colorado Springs on Monday we were all alive with anticipation of the trip and the adventures to come with the seemingly endless waiting for that moment to arrive. It didn’t take long to get into the thick of it all. Keith Lauren and Whitney took off for Denver early Monday morning and I followed not far behind. Anxious a bit nervous of traveling alone and really having no idea of what to expect, I loaded into my dads car and hit the road to the airport. Keith called in a frantic voice, saying that his passport had been misplaced and not far behind that Laurens flight had been canceled. The adventure had begun. I had been expecting that this would be the crux of the trip. Airports and the notoriously bad airline industry had left me feeling a bit jaded. It was simply time to press on. Whitney called me, “ looks like it’s you and I in Marseille.” My first flight was delayed by 30 minutes and I was looking at having a total of five to make my connection for Paris. Calmly I pulled myself from the airport floor and asked the ticket counter if they thought I would be all right. So it goes was all I could say to myself and in my mind I had to keep telling myself to go with the flow, repetitively I usurer in a new mantra. To my delight, as everyone else, Keith found his passport; Lauren however had been completely shamed. We pressed on. Missing my connection in Paris left Whitney solo in Marseille four extra hours but I made it through the crowds and onto the plane, I was ecstatic to say the least when I saw her in the Marseille airport. Climbing is a broad term: as a verb it describes the action but really it’s all of the things that are encompassed in the experience. My fear was dissolved when I finally ran into someone I knew but really it wasn’t so much fear as it was anticipation of going into something so foreign and unknown to me. I had never been to Europe and immediately I was immersed into the hustle and bustle of the busy crowded streets, and lack of vocabulary in the French language. Whitney had already picked up the car and we both had no idea of where we were in Marseille or where we needed to go. “ I don’t really know how to drive a stick shift,” she told me.  Six stalls latter and a grand total of half a mile out of the Marseille airport we pulled a Chinese fire drill in the middle of traffic in the middle of a European roundabout. I took the wheel and knowing nothing about signs or about the language, nothing about speed limits I headed into the heart of the bustling Marseille. Marseille is a port city on the Mediterranean diverse and ancient, with a population of over two million people. We headed down to the old port, one of Europe’s oldest, dating back to the Roman Empire or sometime before. Easy driving led us into rush hour traffic, crazier than anything I have ever driven in. In search of Hotel HM, we continued into the heart of the ancient costal city. Large cruise ships, crazy motorcycle drivers cruising down the center of two lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic; we were both exhausted after twenty hours of non-stop traffic. I continued to quietly mutter my new mantra, just go with the flow; it is what it is. We must have hit every street in the heart of Marseille, driving through this madness was unbelievably stressful, yet very exhilarating at the same time; it is what it is. The streets of Marseille are filled with people crossing streets, vague stoplights that mean nothing, buses, people, motorcycles, people, one way streets, pylons, streets that lead to more narrow streets. I was in the thick of it all, wanting nothing more than to find a place to relax, unwind, sleep off the heavy burden of travel encompassing my mind and body. After driving in crazy circles for over two hours, stopping by the police station for directions and eventually finding a subterranean parking garage we were able to settle in for the night and to acclimate to our surroundings.  That first night was filled with the sounds of the city. Our French veranda opened up to the tumbled, cobbled streets of Marseille. Police sirens, yelling people, partying youth and screeching cats. I was awake but more than happy to take it all in. I fell sound a sleep, waking at odd hours with untapped energy; a woman walked the night street in clogging shoes on cobbled stones. We imagined the vacant sounds to be soothing, knowing we had a place to rest and to wait for our companions to arrive the following day. As light broke in Europe, night fell at home. My thoughts wondered to our friend still sitting in travel limbo, my family back home and the experience I had been a witness to in the fast pace world of Marseille. My adventures in driving the day before allowed me to take in the small cafés, neon lights of the pharmacies, small Internet cafes, and numerous bakeries. The craziness paved way for the logic of it all, as we ventured into the city on Wednesday. Before leaving I had vivid dreams of a world of tile roofs, ancient architecture and shuttered windows; immerged in an unfamiliar world. I was not disappointed to see that my dreams had come true, for better or worse, this was the adventure I had wanted and the experience I had hoped I would receive. We visited the Grand Cathedral of Notre Dame, walked inclined streets lined with ancient doors, indulged in the delicacies of European cafés, and ate French bread and submerged ourselves in the culture. The pace of life is fast but slow at the same time, an oxymoron of sorts, like the tortuous and the rabbit. People walk with purpose but take the time to buy a fresh loaf of bread for a long lunch in the square and to enjoy the pleasures of life. I witnessed only the hustle and bustle because of the numbers, not because of any hurry to live life at maximum speed, like I often do in America. I made sense of it all, there are similar shops such as community bakeries, or boutiques on each Rue, or street, and there are communities within each block. My experience in Marseille gave me insight to a broad world, and my understanding came with my short time there. When I slowed down so did the pace of life, and perhaps that is the meaning of it all. Perhaps that is my mantra, just perhaps, my experience here and my days of travel are all part of the greater adventure that climbing has to offer. We picked Keith up and soon there after, Lauren. One more night in Marseille we headed on our way. I spoke of my past, my present, and my moment with a late night beer with Lauren on our last night in Marseille. The beginning of this trip provided a greater perspective to my life, to my time here. Sitting here in La Palud under cloudy rainy skies, still not having touched a rock, I’m all the better for letting things beyond my control be just that. Perhaps we all could live better if we just let it ride, let ourselves feel uncomfortable but free to experience our experiences. Climbing will come, if only for a day, it really does not matter, I’m better for the hardships, I’m better for the time I’ve spent getting to know my friends. I’m better for having placed my self in this moment in my life. I know that our days of adventure are on the horizon. We just finished driving through the Verdon Gorge, stopping in for another cup of coffee under a rolling mist of fog, bright blue water beneath and bright blue skies above the mist, currently obscured to our eyes. A cloud is just that, a shroud of doubt and uncertainty, a blanket of emotions and a veil to be lifted. I’ve been ancy, pacing in my mind and tapping my fingers on a table of expectation. When I think back to this trip it may not be the climbing I remember, yet I’m sure it will be the conquering of a time of uncertainty in my life. If we can succeed in these moments of wet drought, we can succeed anywhere and over come any of the stagnate obstacles of our lives. This trip for me is not about the climbing, it is more about sharing this time with some of the best people in my life. Six years ago I lost my best friend in the world, I talked at length with Lauren our last night in Marseille about the meaning of this trip to me. I feel that by conquering my fears of the tumbled streets of Marseille, and to play in the clouds like children I will become all the more seasoned. As she put it to me today, “ I hope you are never crushed by your own spirit, I hope you always hold onto your child like mentality.” I know that if anything should come about this experience for me, I will be able to hold on without letting go. Climbing shall come soon enough. It has been sometime since I have opened myself to the world, six years to be exact and it has been sometime since I have felt my best friend Clay’s presence over me simply because I have neglected to open up and accept, not expect. Six years or sixty, this has already been an experience I will never forget, and really it has only just begun.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Asi es la vida

There are some very simple things that I hope to find are universal, at a minimum,I hope they are consistent in the world.

1. That there is a common language that does not have to be spoken, give and you shall receive, act with good intentions and that your good energy will be felt.

2. That life is an endless pursuit of new experiences, and that those are priceless, of no monetary value. I woke up the other day to the handyman radio show last Saturday Am 740, I can relate I build stuff for the simplest explanation. The host started to talk about the things we pay for, it was a simple answer, " most people that spend their hard earned money on things, over all, appear to be unhappier than those that spent their money on experiences and travel." I know that one day I'll look back at my life and say I lived it, and I simple can't wait to spend my time with others that feel the same; a common bond amongst friends in the world.

In two day's I leave for France and I think that I have been putting this blog off to gain some perspective before I leave. What to say, how to feel? Really it's all very exhilarating, my good friends have been keeping me busy with various home projects, and my mind has been fairly mellow and calm beneath it all. Trying to satisfy all the things in my life is proving to be very difficult, ( so sorry about the belated phone calls, e-mails climbing plans ect...) Asi es la vida, meaning: thus is life.

I can't even really explain where my thoughts are right now, a bit apprehensive, bit nervous about making all my flights, excited to climb and filled with curiosity. Really I find it amazing, I'm humbled to have this opportunity and grateful for the support and love from all my friends and family.

I often find that things in my life come full circle, encompassing all my experiences, the good with the bad, and everything in between. What I see is that learning is a never ending process and as we grow older often our lives become contained and repetitive, I look forward to experiences that put me " out there" to feel and to grow, thus, things do often come full circle. Dreams become realizations, goals can be obtained and the opportunities we work so hard for become reality. I'm very pleased that through everything I have done in my life and all my daydreaming and hard work, that in this trip, I now find my life has again, come full circle.

Living it and loving it!